Just the 3 of us

September 4, 2006 at 4:44 pm (Uncategorized)

my deepest consodolense for steve irwin. the world have once again lost another hero. 

 love me for who i am, hate me for who i were, envy me for what i am you wasnt.

the chalet have ended. quite a sucessful one. and we celebrated lewis birthday there. he smashed cake on me!!! argh! innocent me! ill get my revenge one fine day. real soon.

i felt so odd out of a sudden. torrents of emotion flash through my mind. my mind is running wild. maybe distracted in my pool of thoughts.

ive got a colossal amount of stuffs that i need to let out. but i couldnt find anyone to confide in. i dont wish to trouble those that are alr having their own problems to handle. i felt so disconsolated from the rest. perhaps i was never meant to be in the group anyway.

im sorry if i offended anyone of you thru whatever ways. i meant to harm okay. im just to blunt at times. my apology. PEACE.

salvaging something isnt as simple as i thought it was. at least for the mental part i meant. i need a bulldozer to bring the mental barrier down. its limiting my actions. i dont have to ability to overcome it.

thanks for trying. i appreciated that. frankly speaking, perhaps im too demanding and also youre not quite there yet. there are many factors pulling us back. many distractions too. i tried to give in everythin ive got. but you dont seem to appreciate at times. at times only lar. i seriously need a liberator. breakaway from all my troubles.

sometimes i see escaping as a form of solution. whenever im in a predicament, i always thought that being me isnt easy at all. well at least this is what i think. im undergoing too much for a 16 year old boy. i felt very insecure inside. all those hideous-looking people tryin to bring me down. like those fox did to bring down ben in barnyard. i never wanted to inferior to people. but im lacking of confidence in myself. i always felt that people around me are greater and more prefect than me. in the sense that they are more daring, cooler, nicer, smarter or whatever. i dare not take risk unlike those daring one, who offen do those impulsive but stupid stuff and yet, they get all the attention that i always yearn for. why? i thought the evil never triumph the good? or issit that im on the wrong track and is the evil one instead? can anyone guide me?

to you: 

you hesitated and was reluctant to pass me your phone. i never knew why until i saw you tryin to drag time and clearing your inbox or outbox. you need not delete your msg whenever you pass your phone to me. i wont interfere with your private life. im sorry for creatin such bad impression of me in you. its your own life you lead. as long as you wont regret it, im fine with it. im not as cool as your other friends or so ever. i will never do those stuff that you always wanted to. but im me. i need someone that trust me before we can build up the bonding in us. maybe im the only willing party. it takes two hand to clap. i admit i used to pester you to come accompany me. never will i do it again. wo xiang ni kuai le shi ying wei wo. im too much of a hindrance to you instead. im sorry.